the-hall-of-complain-fame

THE DARK WOODS
PROUDLY PRESENTS

THE HALL OF COMPLAIN FAME

This is a collection of some of the best complaints we have heard through the years. These are real humans who have expressed their disdain for The Dark Woods, The Dark Woods website, and life in general. Our studies have shown, 99% of our valued guests are wonderful, supportive people. It's the 1% that is truly worth acknowledging.

Best of 2024 {so far}

This Review gets 7 out of 5 Karen Heads

Someone we will call "Alice Sofa"
3 Goggle Reviews • 0 photos

1 stars out of 5 - 10/20/24

I did a little digging as well as got an email to leave a review. I am absolutely appalled by the owners comments and attitude on reviews. It is absolutely disgusting the way they respond to people. And the hall of complain fame? Are they serious? Personally as a member or the haunt community- I would just like to say we do not claim this owner. He is a bad example overall. I hope the few decent actors I saw find their place in another haunt someday. I just can't with this one. Don't waste your money.

Dear Ms. Sofa,
Please put your shovel down, and be patient as we prep our appalling reply. In the meantime, make sure to check out our new hoodie design, inspired by some of our cherished guests! Click HERE.

Don't Claim Me (i.e. put me back in Lost & Found),
Willard A. Dingles III
Bad Example

Someone we will call "Janice Jensen"
2 Goggle Reviews • 0 photos

2 stars out of 5 - 10/13/24

Was excited to find this place, but initial concerns started on their website. Their FAQ page is very unprofessional. If you like crude, sarcastic humor, great for you, but for a business, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. To call customers stupid in Frequently Asked Questions just seems a bit much.
When we had issues checking out on their website due to an error, the FAQ page or anything didn't address it. So, we e-mailed them...only to get ghosted for a whole week, even though we made sure we used the e-mail address they suggested (a Gmail address).
In any case, never going here. I'm sure their decorations and experience as other reviewers say, but as how they run their business, website, and customer service is another matter. There are better places to go at this time of year.

This Review gets 5 out of 5 Karen Heads

Dear J.J.,
We congratulate you on making it into our Hall of Complain Fame! The voting committee has unanimously voted, and your review has immediately "jumped" into First Place as we have never had anyone review us without actually visiting our wonderful show! We were going to request Google to take it down, but after deliberation, The Committee agrees it's "just too good to remove from human history."

Even though I've never been to The Eiffel Tower, I took your professional approach and reviewed it anyway, saying "tower is obnoxiously tall and the ground-floor mimes can go to hell". I plan to review The Taj Mahal next with "the dome is way too shiny, and the reflecting pool needs chlorine."

Thanks again for taking the time, and congrats on setting a distinct precedent. You're right, there ARE better places to go this time of the year, I highly suggest the "still good table" at The Milford Dump, The George Michael Museum, and if you have access to a rocket, Uranus. If you do win this year's award for Most Dumbest Review, please let us know where to mail the year-long supply of used and previously-messaged greeting cards. We will send them individually from our Gmail account.

Congrats again!

Bad Tasting Mouth,
Willard A. Dingles III
Head of Hospitality / Lead Pillow Fluffer

Someone we will call Samuel L.

1 Google Review • 0 photos

3 stars out of 5 - 10/7/24

Had a decent night at the Dark Woods Haunted Walk through.

CONS
* A bit of a wait to get in...we waited for about 30 minutes
* Lots of characters and signs told us to give them good Google reviews. Sorry, but that is a turn off.
* We had to park in an unmowed lot
* I paid $10.99 for an apple crisp with a scoop of ice cream. It was delicious, but overpriced for what it was

Honorable Mention, 2024 {so far}